A Prayer about the Fierce Good-bye of Suicide
And they went to a place called Gethsemane. And he [Jesus] said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” And he took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be greatly distressed and troubled. And he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch.” And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” And he came and found them sleeping, and he said to Peter, “Simon, are you asleep? Could you not watch for one hour?” (Mark 14:32–37)
Gracious Jesus, twice in a year would be sobering, twice in a month would be shocking, but to have two families in our church lose a loved one to suicide in one week is simply too much. Have mercy on us, Lord; have mercy. How could this happen? What did we miss? What are we to do now?
We’re to run to you, Jesus. Where else can we go with our disbelief, numbness, shock, and profound sadness? No one has suffered overwhelming sorrow like you.
What you sustained in Gethsemane and endured on the cross makes the path into your presence so very welcoming.
There are so many things we don’t understand about suicide. We feel guilt. We feel fear. We feel vulnerable. Please help us in the middle of our shock and confusion.
Oh, the holy and horrible mystery that you were made sin for us, Jesus—the victim and agent of sin. No one understands like you how disintegrated and distressed the heart can become, even to the point of losing all desire to live. No one understands like you the guilt and shame of sin. No one understands like you betrayal, loss, for sakenness, emptiness.
And no one knows how to love in the most broken of all stories like you, Jesus. Because you drank the cup of God’s judgment, you now give us the cup of your grace. How are we to love and serve these families in the coming hours and days? What will being present and keeping watch look like?
Though you were abandoned by sleeping disciples, you will never abandon us. Jesus, help us know how to love in the darkness. Bring your limitless, tender mercies to bear. No one can offer tears of hope and a tear wiping hand like you, Jesus. We pray in your solace-laden name.
Amen.